Before reading this week’s rant I suggest you watch this clip.
Wasn’t that awesome! Mike Meyers at his prime, one of my favourite clips from all of his movies.
Now on to the (not so) serious part of the post. The “Pentavirit” scene is a nice segue into this week’s rant. You see, there continues to be ongoing issues surrounding international drug shortages. Before I get too much further I’m just going to string out some logic for you:
If a drug shortage is international that means it affects the entire world. Canada is a nation located on the planet earth (which is another word for “world”) and therefore is affected. Now since the province of Saskatchewan is part of the nation of Canada it is also affected. Unfortunately, my town is located within the province of Saskatchewan, and finally my pharmacy is located in my town. This means the international drug shortage affects my pharmacy.
So what has caused the international drug shortage, well, here is an article from CBC as to why they may be occurring:
I’m not going to link a bunch of stories. If you are reading this that means you are on the internet, which means you have Google. Just search “International Drug Shortages” and see how many hits you get. I’ll pause and give you time to read all those articles.
…
Done? Good. So, here are some of the reason’s Patient’s have given me as to why I cannot get certain medications:
1. They probably save them for everyone in Ontario, and Saskatchewan gets the drugs last.
2. Small towns are always the last ones to get it, I could probably get it in the city.
3. It’s because of all the online pharmacies selling all our drugs to the damn Americans.
Now, I’m not one to speculate as to what the cause is… because I’m here to tell you what the cause is. You see, when Colonel Sanders went “tit’s up” they needed someone to replace him on the pentavirit. It’s a big responsibility being on that board, a lot of power. It was offered to me, but I figured that since I’m already busy with my personal plans for world domination (ie delusions of grandeur) I would need help. As such, I enlisted my co-blogger R to share the chair with me (and he agreed).
Now seeing as we are both pharmacists we figured it would be hilarious to create a fake “International Drug Shortage”, and, using the Enron model, we could profit nicely for doing so. Unfortunately, a couple of my customers have outed me over the past 6 months so I figured it was time to come clean. So here it is:
Yes, It is our fault that there is an international drug shortage. We created the entire mess just to prevent you from getting your pantoprazole because then you would use more TUMS, and we have stock in TUMS. It’s fake, it’s our entire fault, and if you transfer your prescriptions to Mall-Mart they will have the drugs because I’m just screwing with you for my own pleasure.
Well, that’s a load off my chest...
As a side note, I actually had one patient who was told by a less than reputable pharmacist (and believe me, we are a bunch who historically love stabbing each other in the back AND twisting the knife) that there was no drug shortage, and if they transferred the prescription to Mall-Mart it could be filled.
Surprise, surprise, after it was transferred the patient got to Mall-Mart and was told that the drug wasn’t in-stock, but the nice (re: slimy) pharmacist was willing to call the patient’s physician to have it substituted with another medication. Thankfully for me, this particular person is one of my favourite patients, and she’s not a big fan of being bull-shitted. She told the pharmacist that I had already offered that and that she would be phoning in a complaint to the licensing body about him for pulling such a shady tactic!
Nice… now I’m off to eat a big bucket of KFC, I crave it fort-nightly.
J
You guys are friggun hilarious, keep 'em coming.
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