“It says on my bottle that I have no refills remaining and that I need to get a new prescription. Does this mean I need a new prescription?”
Now, take a minute to let that sink in. You are probably thinking when you read that something along the line like “That person wasn’t serious were they?” or “People aren’t that stupid are they?” or “He’s probably just making this up because he couldn’t come up with anything good to write?”
Well the answers to those questions are: yes, yes, and no. The best part is, this hasn’t happened to me just once over the course of my career. It actually happens about once a month. Now I, along with many of my colleagues, have been often berated by our customers with absolving comments such as: “You should have told me I was out of refills” or “The next time I just run out call my doctor” or, and this is my personal favourite, “How can I run out of refills, the doctor said I am going to be on this FOREVER!” (This comment will be the subject of a future rant as it is a virtual cornucopia of awesomness in and of itself)
I realize that in today’s society we have all been absolved of any responsibility for anything we do, and that if anything goes wrong in our lives it is someone else’s fault AND (if we are lucky) we can sue them. Hence, if we run out of refills on out medications (By the way, the refills are clearly marked) it’s either the pharmacist’s fault, and if not that, then it’s the physician’s fault for not prescribing refills “forever until the end of time as we know it”.
So, I got sick and tired of this and came up with an ingenious solution (well, at least I thought it was, you will see below how well it worked for me). I started typeing as part of the instructions on the vial “This is your last refill, please contact your physician immediately to schedule an appointment”. We then started highlighting this in yellow and we would put translucent tape around the bottle so that the highlighting would remain a vibrant yellow. Then I would print off a little tag that once again highlighted that the person was out of refills and that it was imperative that the person contact their physician immediately for refills and wrap this around the bottle with an elastic band (damn I'm smart, I was going to outsmart them if it killed me).
Anyhow, after 6 months of doing this I started to develop a chronic headache from repetitively beating my head against my pharmacy counter as person after person ignored my notes and highlighting and just walked back in with that dumbfounded look on their faces, totally surprised by the fact that they were out of refills. I would point out that it says very clearly on the vial they were to get refills, only to be greeted by more looks of dumbfoundedness (ya it’s not a real word, so sue me). My favourite was the time that a woman actually brought me the bottle with the typed note still wrapped around the bottle and attached with the same elastic band as she had never even removed it and read it. “Oh wow, I wondered what that was, I guess I should have taken it off and looked at it” (it was at this time that I stopped wasting my time sending along little notes).
Thankfully, back in April Pharmacists were granted limited “Prescribing Rights” here in Saskatchewan. Now I’m not going to get into this too much, as this will also be the subject of another rant, however, now when they run out and come back in I point out to them that it was very clearly written on the vial that they were out of refills, but I can now give them another interim supply so they can call their doctor. Now I look like a bloody saviour. I then give them a full page letter explaining how this works which highlights (several times in the letter actually) that I cannot, under any circumstances, give them another interim supply, and should they forget to arrange for an appointment they are putting themselves in danger of going without their medications!!! The last 4 months were very relaxing, now people could really give a shit and are coming in all pissy that I didn’t explain it clearly to them.
I was just about to become a chronic alcoholic when I thought to myself “Self, how can I use this to my advantage and grow my business” and I came up with a new slogan and marketing campaign. Here is my new pharmacy slogan:
At Grumpy Pharmacy we don’t just fill your prescriptions; we will actually come to your house and wipe your ass for you too!!!
Of course people will probably just bitch at me about how my hands are too rough or how my toilet paper is too coarse and then get pissy at me when I forget to remind them to take a crap. Oh well, at least then I will be able to tell which of my customers have haemorrhoids and which ones are perfect assholes!
J
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