1. Q: It
says here on my bottle that I have no refills remaining. Does that mean I have no refills remaining?
A: Nope, I’m just messing with you, you
busted me. In fact you will never have
to see your doctor ever again for refills.
I merely put that on the bottle as to stimulate conversation and make my
otherwise dreary life bearable.
2. Q: I had a sore throat a couple of years
ago (hands me bottle of antibiotics dated March 3rd, 2004) and the
doctor prescribed these. Can I have a
refill or do I have to go see a physician.
A: Absolutely. Actually, you will never have to see a
physician for this problem ever again.
Once you have experienced symptoms for any kind of disease you
immediately become a certified medical specialist in the field as it relates to
that particular disease or condition. This means that although
you have no previous medical training there is absolutely no chance you have misdiagnosed
yourself and as such are qualified to prescribe yourself antibiotics.
For
the same reason, and for future reference, lets say you have a heart condition requiring open heart
surgery. As a result of a heart-attack and subsequent surgery you are immediately qualified to do
open heart surgery on yourself the next time you have a heart attack. This is how we save money in the medical
system.
3. Q: I hear pharmacists in Saskatchewan can
now write prescriptions. Does this mean
I don’t ever have to see my physician for refills and I can just continue
coming to you instead?
A: Yes, you are correct. Interestingly enough, now that pharmacists
have prescribing rights the Province of Saskatchewan has realized they can
cancel any and all pre-existing contracts they may have with physicians as they
are no longer needed. The Province feels
that the average Joe is more than qualified to regularly assess their own
medical status and can tell when things such as a new condition might come up,
or if their current medical condition has changed in anyway.
For
example, let’s say that 10 years ago you were diagnosed by your physician with
hypertension (high blood pressure). Well
thankfully, because your body never changes over time, and especially not over
a 10 year window, you will never have to see the doctor for refills. We can safely assume that the dose of
medication you were initially prescribed 10 years ago will never change. Similarly many other medications “require”
regular blood tests to ensure that the dose is correct. In reality this “requirement” is just put in
place to ensure lab techs (who pay a lot for their schooling) are able to secure a job. To simply tell if your dose needs to be changed
all you have to do is lick your forearm and tell me if it seems ok to you. If you think it is normal you are good to go.
4. Q: I need my medications filled today, but
I don’t have the money for it. Can you
just give them to me and I will come pay you in two weeks?
A: For sure. Once again you have stumbled upon a well-kept
secret. While other businesses expect to
be paid for providing goods or services, pharmacies have magical money trees
growing in our back rooms. You see, the
government developed these trees to ensure pharmacies get paid. As you all know Canadian Health care is supposed to be free. This means drugs
are supposed to be free as well. In
fact, it extends to everything in the store, so go ahead and pick up some pop,
chips and a couple of lottery tickets on the house.
By
the way, would you like me to call ahead to the grocery store so you can fill a
cart full of groceries and walk out without paying for them as well?
5. Q: My friend and I were chatting. Her symptoms seem awfully like mine. Can I get some of this medication she is
taking from you, or do I have to go see a doctor?
A: Well, that’s a tough one, you see it all
depends on your personal confidence with both your and your friend’s combined
diagnostic abilities. You see, as per
numbers 3 and 4 above your friend could request this medication for themselves; however
they cannot request them for you unless one of the following criteria is met:
a)
They are your best friend (or at least a very
close friend). The closer your friend is
to you the less likely they are to make a judgment error as it comes to medical
issues.
b)
It is your mom (or primary caregiver when you were growing up).
Your mom would never do anything to hurt you.
c)
The person was wearing glasses – glasses make
you smarter
d)
They are a doctor (pfft whatever).
6. Q: Can you lend me $20.00, I will pay you
back when my welfare cheque comes in?
A: I’m surprised you haven’t asked me
before. You see, pharmacists are able to
expense random amounts of money to their patients. It’s the “born yesterday” pharmacy
legislation clause. We may also co-sign
loans, buy you a case of the finest wine, and even provide you with our first
born child.
I will keep collecting questions as I go and look forward to
answering more of your pharmacy related queries in the future.
J
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